Merry Christmas! Pursuant to section IV, article 7, paragraph 2

I'm actually OK that my company doesn't give year-end bonuses. I mean, I've got friends who get them (and watch 58% go right back out again in taxes), but I really don't expect them. The whole nature of a bonus is that it's unexpected, at least in my mind. I don't expect it, I don't get it. No big deal.

What my company does do is hand out gift cards to a local supermarket in the amount of $20. OK, it's better than nothing, I guess. But I dislike this particular supermarket so much that it's almost worth foregoing the card: I've seriously considered whether it's worth $20 to walk into Kroger. Not that I've ever had a run-in with Kroger. Their stores just feel junky. ('Twas a dark day when Harris Teeter decided to pull out of Atlanta, though Harry's Farmer's Market is a pretty darned good substitute. And they're almost on my way home from work.)

No, the chintzy part of this whole deal is the notice which my employer started affixing to the card last year:

Important Notice
Due to IRS guidelines, gift certificates/cards given to employees must be treated as compensation unless the gift certificate/card is restricted to the purchase of an identified item. The enclosed Kroger gift card with a value of $20.00 must be used to purchase one of the following items: a turkey, ham, roast or vegetarian substitute.

No word on whether Cheetos count as a suitable vegetarian substitute.