Care and Feeding of Your Introvert
In 2003, Jonathan Rauch wrote a partially tongue-in-cheek essay for The Atlantic called Caring for Your Introvert: The habits and needs of a little-understood group. It continues to draw more traffic to their website than any other article and led to a recent interview with Sage Stossel, another introvert and senior editor for The Atlantic. If you’re an introvert, none of the information in these two pieces will surprise you. If you’re an extrovert, you may understand the concept of introversion, but you probably don’t comprehend it. Or as Rauch wrote:
...someone you know, respect, and interact with every day is an introvert, and you are probably driving this person nuts.
I remember going to restaurants as a kid and watching older couples eat dinner together in near-complete silence, and I remember thinking, “What a shame that those two old people are so unhappy that they don’t even want to talk to each other.” Then, as I got older and fell into my own long-term relationship, I realized quite the opposite: part of the joy of growing old together is that you don’t have to entertain each other 24/7. The line that Rauch quoted from Waiting for Godot summed it up beautifully: Don't talk to me. Don't speak to me. Stay with me.
A note for my friends: when we cook dinner for you at our house*, and I disappear late in the evening to start cleaning the kitchen, it’s not because I care more about the plates than you. It’s not because I wish you would go home. It’s because I’m perfectly content saying nothing, and you’re in capable conversational hands with my hubby. And if I ever fall asleep at your dinner table, please take it as the highest compliment, because it means that I’m very comfortable with your company.
My name is Ben, and I am an introvert.
*Please note that we never have more than 10 or 12 people MAX over for dinner. I’m actually more comfortable with 4 or 6. And as you may have gathered, the one event I dread every year is the Christmas party that we give our friends, co-workers, and clients. Because I know that I’m going to be on-stage for 6 hours or more. And hubby doesn’t understand why that bugs me.
posted by Ben at
2:15 PM
2 Comments:
LOL Well, it would definitely do something about those awkward pauses when I run out of things to say!
By
Ben, at 8:26 AM
You know, I AM NOT an introvert, BUT. . .I have some very introverted tendencies. I OFTEN would rather stay home than go out, doing ME stuff than FRIENDS stuff. But then, after a bit, I feel anti-social and want FRIENDS stuff too. And sometimes, I just don't want to talk, I know, I know, believe it or not.
I had a roommate in college, LOVE HER, but the minute I walked in the door, it was "How are you? How was your day? What did you do?" It drove me nuts. I just needed, like, an hour to decompress after work, and not say anything to anyone. At that point, if something interesting had happened, I would tell her. I had to explain it to her, very nicely, and she got it. But yes, I have some introverted tendencies as well. . .and now, I'm going to go scrapbook, ALONE, excuse me. . .
By
Jax Peach, at 3:37 PM
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