Bloody flowers
This is gonna be the gayest post you’ve read all day. Deal.
So apparently the powers that be really liked my flowerbed the way it looked last year, because they’re doing everything they can to stop me from overhauling it.
Since I really can’t start planting anything ‘til the county shows up to fix the driveway, I’ve been spending my time planning what’s going to go there. I’ve sketched out the shape of the flowerbed, and I’ve made little color cut-outs of different plants that I can move around on paper until I’m happy with the way it looks. I’ve considered plant heights, so that I don’t stick salvia1 in behind a bunch of lantana where it will never be seen. I've considered colors too, because I don't want my flowers to clash with each other.
Yes, I’m obsessing about it. But it’s been so scraggly for so long that I want our neighbors to really really notice it this year.
Anyway, I found a plant in a garden catalog this year that I’d never seen before, and it was so striking I planned a lot of the flowerbed around it. It’s called Japanese Blood Grass: a vertical, deep-red to burgundy grass that grows to about 24” tall. I’ve never seen it before, so I prepared myself to order it2. I showed the picture to hubby, and he didn’t care for it. And I thought to myself, screw you, I don’t care what you think, I’m ordering it anyway3.
So I trot my happy ass into my friendly neighborhood Home Depot Landscape Supply Company4, 5 yesterday to inquire about ordering these. How long, how much, blah blah blah. And I know they can get it, because the place where I found it is a Home Depot catalog. The guy I talked to had never heard of it, so he picks up the phone to call someone in another store.
Turns out this plant is a relative of bamboo and is so invasive that it now shows up on the Federal Noxious Weeds List (Imperata cylindrical). They can still get it for now, but it’s technically been banned.
Good thing I haven’t bought any other plants yet, because I’m quite literally back to the drawing board.
1Did you know the English word for salvia is sage? I didn’t.
2Something I never, ever do.
3Something else I never, ever do.
4By contrast, something I do all the time.
5Do y’all have these where you live? It’s like Disneyland for gardeners.
So apparently the powers that be really liked my flowerbed the way it looked last year, because they’re doing everything they can to stop me from overhauling it.
Since I really can’t start planting anything ‘til the county shows up to fix the driveway, I’ve been spending my time planning what’s going to go there. I’ve sketched out the shape of the flowerbed, and I’ve made little color cut-outs of different plants that I can move around on paper until I’m happy with the way it looks. I’ve considered plant heights, so that I don’t stick salvia1 in behind a bunch of lantana where it will never be seen. I've considered colors too, because I don't want my flowers to clash with each other.
Yes, I’m obsessing about it. But it’s been so scraggly for so long that I want our neighbors to really really notice it this year.
Anyway, I found a plant in a garden catalog this year that I’d never seen before, and it was so striking I planned a lot of the flowerbed around it. It’s called Japanese Blood Grass: a vertical, deep-red to burgundy grass that grows to about 24” tall. I’ve never seen it before, so I prepared myself to order it2. I showed the picture to hubby, and he didn’t care for it. And I thought to myself, screw you, I don’t care what you think, I’m ordering it anyway3.
So I trot my happy ass into my friendly neighborhood Home Depot Landscape Supply Company4, 5 yesterday to inquire about ordering these. How long, how much, blah blah blah. And I know they can get it, because the place where I found it is a Home Depot catalog. The guy I talked to had never heard of it, so he picks up the phone to call someone in another store.
Turns out this plant is a relative of bamboo and is so invasive that it now shows up on the Federal Noxious Weeds List (Imperata cylindrical). They can still get it for now, but it’s technically been banned.
Good thing I haven’t bought any other plants yet, because I’m quite literally back to the drawing board.
1Did you know the English word for salvia is sage? I didn’t.
2Something I never, ever do.
3Something else I never, ever do.
4By contrast, something I do all the time.
5Do y’all have these where you live? It’s like Disneyland for gardeners.
posted by Ben at
9:16 AM
5 Comments:
I'll have you know that I haven't yet planted a single Hyacinth! Or Violet, for that matter. Can't say the same for Daisies, though. And I think there's a Rose in my near future. Did you know they make a variety called Chrysler Imperial?
By
Ben, at 4:17 PM
That is clearly not genetic, I have a black thumb. I have managed to kill my bamboo, like the easiest thing EVER to keep alive.
It kills me that I can keep an animal alive, but not a plant.
By
Jax Peach, at 3:22 PM
Just think how the plant feels!
By
Anonymous, at 7:53 AM
How do you think your dog feels? I bet poor Sadie has trouble sleeping at night. ;o)
By
Ben, at 8:16 AM
Don't give up on Japanese blood grass! How invasive it is depends on which one you get. The "Red Baron" variety is -- according to stuff I've found online in various places -- is quite controllable and slow-growing. The Imperata Cylindrica on the list of noxious weeds is another variety altogether. Happy planting!
By
Fiona, at 11:12 AM
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